Matchups

Brother Brian Biloh Borat is not cooked yet, but the oven is preheating and Hector SalaMitchell is holding the seasoning. This is where a grown man starts negotiating with a tight end like the box score owes him rent. Brother Brian Biloh Borat is built close to the floor, which helps when the matchup knocks him there anyway. Past H2H has Hector SalaMitchell up 10-5, which means history is already talking shit before Brother Brian Biloh Borat even opens the app.

Yeffrie Sanders is moving like Ray halfway through a draft: present in body, missing in every useful way. Andrey Epstein has the edge, and blowing it should require a written apology with signatures. The past record is 8-6 for Andrey Epstein, so Yeffrie Sanders is chasing revenge with holes in both shoes. ala!

Princess Cesar needs a miracle, a clean injury report, and Jig sliding him a new roster next to the Costco chicken bake. Gey Mysterio Santiago is sitting pretty for now hmmmm, but choking this would be nasty work. Princess Cesar has been scoring like every touchdown comes with a service fee. Gey Mysterio Santiago owns the past H2H edge 8-5; Princess Cesar needs to stop calling it a rivalry until he starts paying rent.

This fool Valenteeny Sweeny walked in with plastic-fork confidence at a knife fight. San-Tinky Winky just needs to stay upright while that lineup trips over its own beer puddle. Valenteeny Sweeny is one bad lineup away from a gym class in costume, sweating through humiliation while strangers pretend not to stare. Somebody drafted Ben Roethlisberger in round one and somehow this still feels less defensible.